Why me? Why not?

When I first found out my daughter had Down syndrome. I can honestly say that on more then one occasion I thought to myself, why me? Why was I being punished? What had I done to deserve this?

I know that I haven’t actually done anything and that her having Down syndrome was done on a genetic level before conception. It was either the chromosomes not dividing properly in mine or my husbands sex cells. Which means that either my egg had an extra copy of the 21 chromosome or it was the chromosomes in my husbands little swimmers. There is no way to tell which one of us it was either and there nothing we could have done to stop it and it wasn’t caused by anything I did during pregnancy.

Before having Baby I always believed that DS was something that happen to some women who had babies when they were 35+ years old. I now know that it is a common misconception and actually over 50% of babies with born DS are born to women under 35. This is due to higher fertility rate the younger you are.

I will always remember when I was at my first booking in appointment when I was pregnant with Baby and the midwife asking me about the blood test to see what my risks were for having a child with DS and me telling her I didn’t need it as I had had the test done in a pervious pregnancy and got the low for my age being 1 in 1,250. Nothing was ever picked up in any of Baby’s scans, not even her 3D scan I had done. So she shocked us all at birth.

I know now that those negative thought were just my way of processing the shock, coping with the fear and grieving for the child I thought I was going to have. Most of the other DS mum’s I have talked to have told me they thought the same in the beginning. I found talking to other mums that had or were going though stuff similar to me a great help and I enjoyed reaching out and reading about all the beautiful children.
The Facebook group future of down’s was a great help too.

Slowly over time I realised that I didn’t think “why me?” anymore but instead I thought “why not?”.

Why not me?

I stopped thinking like I was being punished for something I had done in a past life. She wasn’t a punishment but a gift that I should treasure and look after.
I still think to this day what I did to deserve her but it not in a negative way anymore but instead a positive.

I want to know what I did to deserve such an amazing baby? She is one of the easiest (baring the 3 weeks in neonatal, where she gave me enough stress to last a life time) I have ever had. She sleeps through night, barely cries and has a smile that brightens up my whole day.

Why shouldn’t I have the chance to experience complete unconditional love. To have a child that makes me stop an realise how the smallest an simplest things to some are actually a major triumph to others! Things I had taken for granted with my other children when they were young I now saw it there true light and for the amazing things they were.

Having a child with Down syndrome wasn’t a bad thing but actually an amazing thing that opened my eyes to a whole world I was missing right in front of me. It reminded me that I have to take time to notice the little things because if not I am missing out on some spectacular things.


Nikki ❤

Redpeffer The Theme Game

17 thoughts on “Why me? Why not?

  1. What a lovely open and honest post. I can honestly say that I most most of us have been through exactly the same feelings and now sit counting our blessing. Thank you for joining up for #WDSD14

  2. I can totally understand your whole thought processes. And I really enjoyed the way you have turned it into something totally different and so positive. And I too was unaware if the stats information x

  3. I was over 35 for both of mine and the possibility of chromosomal abnormalities was a major concern – we even opted for the CVS procedure with no.2 after getting a 1:85 chance predicted. Thank goodness nothing was found because I don’t know if we would have made the right decision if things had been different. Your positive attitude to it now she is a part of your world makes sense – she is always going to be special to you and why shouldn’t you enjoy everything that makes her unique? X

    • We didn’t know until she was born and I am really glad I didn’t because I don’t know what choice I would of made if I had found out in pregnancy. The fear on the unknown and not now what to expect. I would probably made a choice I would of regretted at least this way I had a beautiful daughter I love dearly and I know I have nothing to be scared of x

  4. I’m glad you’re at peace with your daughter’s special need. I envy that, really. We’re not dealing with Down Syndrome, but we do have a profoundly retarded child. I was encouraged by your post.

    • I am glad you were encouraged by my post. That is the reason I wrote it to help parents, carers or families to realise having a disabled child or a child with learning difficulties doesn’t mean the end of the world and by learning to love them for who they are shows you a deeper more richer kind of love.

  5. This brought tears to my eyes. I grew up with a sister with a neural tube defect that left her handicapped and severely retarded. It was a struggle, but I learned so much from her. God has a plan for each life. You are such a sweet mom. Great job.

  6. What a beautiful post. I can’t imagine the thought process you have to work through as a parent when you discover you have a child with Down Syndrome, or any other developmental challenges. We have close friends going through this at the moment and we just listen and are there for them. I hope they get to where you are with your perspective.

  7. Pingback: My Top 10 Blog posts of 2014 | Keeping strong and moving forward

  8. Pingback: My 5 favourite posts | Keeping Strong and Moving Forward

  9. Pingback: My 5 favourite posts | Keeping Strong & Moving Forward

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s