When I first found out my daughter had Down syndrome. I can honestly say that on more then one occasion I thought to myself, why me? Why was I being punished? What had I done to deserve this?
I know that I haven’t actually done anything and that her having Down syndrome was done on a genetic level before conception. It was either the chromosomes not dividing properly in mine or my husbands sex cells. Which means that either my egg had an extra copy of the 21 chromosome or it was the chromosomes in my husbands little swimmers. There is no way to tell which one of us it was either and there nothing we could have done to stop it and it wasn’t caused by anything I did during pregnancy.
Before having Baby I always believed that DS was something that happen to some women who had babies when they were 35+ years old. I now know that it is a common misconception and actually over 50% of babies with born DS are born to women under 35. This is due to higher fertility rate the younger you are.
I will always remember when I was at my first booking in appointment when I was pregnant with Baby and the midwife asking me about the blood test to see what my risks were for having a child with DS and me telling her I didn’t need it as I had had the test done in a pervious pregnancy and got the low for my age being 1 in 1,250. Nothing was ever picked up in any of Baby’s scans, not even her 3D scan I had done. So she shocked us all at birth.
I know now that those negative thought were just my way of processing the shock, coping with the fear and grieving for the child I thought I was going to have. Most of the other DS mum’s I have talked to have told me they thought the same in the beginning. I found talking to other mums that had or were going though stuff similar to me a great help and I enjoyed reaching out and reading about all the beautiful children.
The Facebook group future of down’s was a great help too.
Slowly over time I realised that I didn’t think “why me?” anymore but instead I thought “why not?”.
Why not me?
I stopped thinking like I was being punished for something I had done in a past life. She wasn’t a punishment but a gift that I should treasure and look after.
I still think to this day what I did to deserve her but it not in a negative way anymore but instead a positive.
I want to know what I did to deserve such an amazing baby? She is one of the easiest (baring the 3 weeks in neonatal, where she gave me enough stress to last a life time) I have ever had. She sleeps through night, barely cries and has a smile that brightens up my whole day.
Why shouldn’t I have the chance to experience complete unconditional love. To have a child that makes me stop an realise how the smallest an simplest things to some are actually a major triumph to others! Things I had taken for granted with my other children when they were young I now saw it there true light and for the amazing things they were.
Having a child with Down syndrome wasn’t a bad thing but actually an amazing thing that opened my eyes to a whole world I was missing right in front of me. It reminded me that I have to take time to notice the little things because if not I am missing out on some spectacular things.