Difficulties in life

Day 27: Have you had to overcome something difficult?

This prompt had me thinking about the all the things I have found difficult in my life and that I had overcome or just learnt to deal with them.

Growing up I found a lot difficult because I was teased, tormented and bullied throughout my childhood. Primary school was horrible because all my bullies lived in my area. Which meant I couldn’t escape them. I barely went out because if I did I would be followed and teased. They would throw stones and mud at me, at my house and I didn’t help matters by getting angry and screaming, shouting or rising to their bullying.

When I went to upper school I thought it would be a fresh start and a new me.
Unfortunately I ended up going to same school as my bullies and was even put in the same form class as most of them. Upper school was rough until I reach 14. By which point I had made a group of friends and I started going out away from my area. I would go iced skating on a weekend where I made even more friends.

Just before I went 15 I started hanging out with and older group of people and going out to the pub and night clubs. (I would lied to my parents saying I was sleeping at friends or my sisters and would lied about my age to get in)
I know now it wasn’t the cleverest thing to do but back then just knowing I had somewhere I could go to be me, have fun and meet new people really helped my confidence. (it also helped 15 year old me survive my school days. It was the fact of knowing I had been out clubbing all weekend while my bullies where drinking cider on cold park benches because they couldn’t get in to clubs and I could. Petty I know but I was 15)
After high school things looked up. Obliviously I didn’t do very well in my exams due to partying nearly every weekend and not revising or working in class due to bullies.

I got in at a local college doing art and finally managed to get away from my bullies. I was happy for a while. Until I ended up meeting T’s dad and fell pregnant at 16 and very early into relationship. He was only 17 at time and we had a very volatile relationship (not all his fault). We weren’t good for each other but stayed together throughout the pregnancy and afterwards. After birth I was suffering from postnatal depression and didn’t really want to be with him or him me but we stayed together for T and because I was petrified of being a single teenage mother. Mainly due to the stigma that is attached to being a single teenage mum, I already had people commenting on bus or giving me stares when I was shopping.
Eventually we called it a day when T was 18months old and I was left alone, broken and with a baby to look after.

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I hit an all time low. Fortunately I had a great friend who dragged me out of my depression and helped me learn to love myself, my life and figure out what I really wanted. (read about it here)

After that life still had some difficult times like when I fell pregnant with P at age of 20, while I was still a single mum and I had to go through the pregnancy, birth and raising 2 children on my own.

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But when P was 4 months old a friends of mine asked me to go to a college open day with her and we both signed up to redo our GCSE’s.
It was that day that my life started to turn around. I was finally doing something for me to better myself and I loved it.

From then on my confidence grew and I realised I learning was fun and how much I had missed out on in school. Plus 5 months down the line I met the love of my life (my hubby). We have had our ups and down like any normal couple but he has made me the happiest I have ever been. With his help and support I finished college 3 years later with 5C grade or above GCSE’s, 2Alevels and 3Aslevels. I also left college heavily pregnant with our first daughter (not that we knew she was a girl at time).

After that I spent my time being a mum and I planned to look for a job when E was a bit older. She had other ideas though because when she was 3 months old she was rushed into hospital with a high temperature which was caused by a water infection. It was after that she was sent for test and found to have vesicoureteral reflux and duplex kidney. (you can read about it here and here)
Although it was easy to live with and just meant she was prone to water infections or UTI’s. As long as she took her antibiotics she would be fine unless she became resistant (which she did twice!).

One of the most difficult times though was when she was 10 months old. We had gone to hospital because she had a high temperature again and we were sat talking to nurse, when E suddenly went ridged in my arms and started to seizure because her temp had spiked.

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At the time I had never felt so helpless and scared that I would lose one of my children. The hospital were great though and whipped her into a room and brought her temperature down.
Or the first time she a was put to sleep for a cystoscope and screamed to whole time fighting against me, the mask and the doctors. She was strong for a 1 year old. Eventually she settled and went limp in my arms because she was asleep. I left the room with tears streaming down my face because of how upset she had become and because I couldn’t be with her.
E has since had more tests another op and is doing well on her antibiotic.

But for me personally the day Baby was born and the weeks after where the most difficult things I have overcome. (read about it here)
You see after an easy pregnancy and semi easy birth (or as easy as birth can be) I was given the shocking news she had Down’s Syndrome.
Because of me not knowing much about down’a syndrome I was scared of what it meant. I had never really been round anyone who had a Down’s Syndrome. I thought my life was over, that people would blame me because I had carried her for 9 months, that my husband would leave me saying it was all my fault. I was scared I would reject her and that I wouldn’t be able to fully love her because of her condition. I worried that I wasn’t a good enough mother to be able to cope with everything she would need because I didn’t feel like I was a strong enough person. I was scared for her and what kind of life she would have and this was all within an hour of just giving birth.
I hadn’t even had a chance to properly clean myself up and I was already having to change and reprocessing all the dreams and hopes I had thought up while I was pregnant. (or so I thought at time before I researched and learnt more about her condition and realised DS isn’t anything to be scared of)
My head was a mess of confusing and conflicting thoughts because when I looked at her I still saw my baby, I had created her, I wanted the very best for her and she was apart of me no matter what. She was mine!

So as I held her in my arms and tried to make sense of it all plus get her to latch on for her first feed. During which she started getting very sleepy or so I thought. Within seconds I noticed she wasn’t sleeping but turning a grey colour and her lips were going blue. (the scariest moment of my life so far)
My mother and husband ran to get doctors and she was whisked off to neonatal to be given oxygen support.

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She deteriorated through the night and went from only needing a bit of support to be completely ventilated on nearly 95% oxygen. She stayed like that for 2 days and in hospital until she was 23 days old.
I wasn’t able to stay with her in neonatal and was left in a room alone with only my ever confusing thoughts.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do was leaving her in the hospital when I had to go home. That night walking into my house and seeing everything I had laid out for her was torture because at that point I didn’t know if she was even going to make it home. (you can read about it here)

Eventually Baby got better, came home and quickly expelled all the fears I had after she was born. She showed us just how amazing she is.

So here are some of my most difficult and scariest moments of my life. I know to some they might not seem that bad or difficult but they were to me and I have overcome them all.

One thing I know is that I am glad for all the difficult times I have had in my life because they have taught me something about myself, shown me how strong I am or made me realise something I was missing.

Did you learn anything from a difficult time in your life? Did you come out the other side a stronger person?

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

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My 5 favourite posts

Day 26: What are your 5 favourite post from your archives?

I only started blogging in March but here are my 5 favourite from my archives.

1. Why me? Why not? – This is the third post I ever wrote and I love it so much because it helped me come to terms with Baby’s DS. It is a post I will forever hold close to my heart.

2. Breastfeeding and why it was for me! – This post is full of my stories on my breastfeeding journeys with my children.

3. The Silent Morning – I love this post because I was feeling creative one morning and decided to describe and make my morning more exciting.

4. Highlights of childhood – This is the first poem I have wrote in a long time and I was really proud of myself to finally be able to complete it and I think it’s actually quite good. (I know I’m bias)

5. Fun, Games and Daisy Chains – It’s a great post I think about a stressful day that turned out quite fun and great 🙂

So there you go my 5 favourite posts.

Can’t wait to read yours

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

A picture from my day.

Day 25: Capture a moment from your day and share it.

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This is E dressed as tinker bell. Soon as I took this picture I knew it was the one for today’s challenge.

See today the weather is pants and because of that we are having a themed movie day with dressing up and snacks. The kids are loving it and it also means I get lots of cuddles 🙂 plus get to watch some great Disney films and cartoons.

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The kids are all dressed up as the characters fro. The films they want to watch.
So far we watched
~ Hotel Transylvania
Now it’s
~ Cinderella
After it’s
~ Tinkerbell (if the picture doesn’t tell you)
And
~ Brave

Can’t wait to see what the picture of your day is 🙂

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

What I look forward to.

I am linking up with Emma at outnumbered as part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge.

Day 23: What are you looking forward to?

With this question I was wondering does it mean in the near future or dies it mean out of life?

See in the near future I am excited about my kids birthdays. In less then 6 week T, E and A (my stepdaughter) are all having their birthday, but after that it is Baby’s 1st birthday 🙂

I am super excited because I love the kids birthdays (even if my bank balance doesn’t)

T and Baby have to big birthdays though because T will be 10 and baby 1 🙂
It’s hard to believe I will have a 10 year old in a matter of weeks 😦 (that makes me feel old) .

Out of life I am looking forward to the day my kids are grown up and I can go off avid see all the things I ever wanted too. I look forward to the day I am told I will be a grandma (hopefully not too soon!) and I look forward to spending it all with my loving husband.

What do you look foward too?

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

An old photo of me

I am linking up with Emma at outnumbered as part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge.

Day 22: Share and old photo of yourself

I have got a bit behind with the challenge last could of days and I am now going to quickly catch up on myself.
Really sorry life, kids and the holidays have got in the way but today is my down time 🙂

So today I have to share an old photo of myself 🙂 this is funny because I don’t really have many old photos of myself. My mum has them all in her attic or stored away in back of her wardrobe in albums. But over the years I have managed to collect a few. So her we go.
I couldn’t just choose one so I thought I would share both 🙂

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The first one is of my mum and me. I think I am around 4 same with the second photo. We where on holiday in Tenerife and I I love how cute and sweet I looked. Specially at that point in time I was probably anything but. (I was a real handful of a child)
But there you go my photos.

What you think?
I can’t wait to read yours.

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

My 10 favourite blogs

I am linking up with Emma at outnumbered as part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge.

Day 21: What are your 10 favourite blogs?

I have many different blogs I read and link up too but my 10 favourite are:

1. Life As Alice
This is the blog of Alice. She is an amazing person who is a mum of 2. She has a teenage son, who has Down syndrome also. I love reading her blog seeing her pictures and just generally see what she gets up to. (not in a stalkery way) We became friends first through a DS support site and it was through reading her blog and her advice that I was able to create mine. I have never met Alice but I hope to one day and her amazing son. Her blog gives me hope, makes me smile and let’s me know that sometimes it’s ok to cry about DS. Her blog is worth a read I promise.

2. mumturnedmom
This blog is by Sara. She is a lovely woman from Scotland who has moved over to America with her family. She run a weekly linky called #theprompt I try to join as often as I can or when the creative juices are flowing. I’m not always able to come up with anything though but she still includes me in her list every week to ask me to join. I love reading all the different ways she is creative with her prompts. Writing poems, short stories or just telling is about her life. It in a great read.

3. The Reading Residence This blog is run by Jocelyn and is a great read. She blogs about life, about family, reviews and competitions too. She also host pleat of Linkys such as word of the week which I try to join every Friday and bring back paper I love reading what she has done over the week on a Friday and I try my best to join in to her linky.

4. PODcast
This is a blog run by Charly. She is a amazing a other who has an great talent for taking photographs. She runs and joins a number of Linkys join so I can’t help but come across her amazing blog. It’s differently worth a look.

5. Onedad3girls
This is a blog run by Darren. He is a father of girls and loves taking photos. He has run a linky #mysundayphoto that I join religiously every week and I love looking at his photos on a Sunday and reading his blog posts if I have time.

6. Zena’s suitcase is a blog on a mother who has an older childer plus 2 younger children close to E and Baby’s age. She hold some Linkys that I have joined in the past but have be absent from recently 😦 (I should really aim to finish the draft I have been typing for this linky) I live reading her post and because I know that we go through very similar things. She has helped me a lot in past too answering my nearly endless questions about blogging and adding me to groups on Facebook.

7. Downs Side Up
This is a blog run by Hayley. She is a fellow DS mummy and I have only tweeted her a few time but I love reading her informative posts about life with a child with DS. I have also watch her and her daughter on TV join her linky for #TeamT21 when I type a post that involves DS or my daughter.
Her advice and post gave always help be through times of uncertainty.

8. The Oliver’s Madhouse
Is a blog run by Jaime, she is a mother how write review and blogs about parenting. I love see all the thing she gets up to or reviews with her family and have used some of her views when I have been looking at or pick something out to buy. Great blog!

9. brummymummyof2this blog is run by Emma or Em. I love reading about her adventures with her kids and the thing did gets up to. But the thing I loved the most is her sarcasm and wit. Most of her post have me Laughing Out Loud and always manage to out a smile on my face. Trust me she us a blogger you don’t want to miss out reading.

10. internetburnette I have this linky #BEDAoutnumbered to thank for this one. Because without this linky I probably wouldn’t of found this blog but I have really enjoyed reading about her life abc getting to know some more about her. So much so I have started following her blog.

So there you go my 10 favourite blogs.

What are yours?

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

My best moments of this year

I am linking up with Emma at outnumbered as part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge.

Day 20: What is the best thing to happen to you this year?

See I found this one a bit difficult as I can’t really pick my best moment of this year. I have loads at are equal as good or exciting for me.
If it was of 2013 I would easily have said the day I found out I was pregnant in January or when I got married in March or the day Baby was able to finally come home at 23 days old in October. I would of said the day she was born because it was a amazing and I was happy to have my baby but thing took a horrid turn rather quickly after birth. (You can read about it Here!)

This year I don’t have moments that as exciting or as amazing as last year but my favourites are:

Doing my first driving lesson.

Having our first family holiday, as a complete family.

Celebrating my first wedding anniversary.

Seeing all the amazing things Baby as pushed herself to do and achieve.

Starting my blog.

So there you go some of my best moments of this year 🙂 but this year sing over yet 🙂 we still have Baby’s first birthday to come up in next few months and a amazing Christmas where she will be able to take part instead of sleep like last year.

I can’t wait to read your best moments.

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August

My 10 favourite foods.

I am linking up with Emma at outnumbered as part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge.

Day 19: Whats your 10 favourite foods.

Well this list is probably going to read like a list of food you can’t eat while pregnant or breastfeeding.
I am a massive lover of food but at moment as I am breastfeeding Baby still I can’t eat most of it 😦
It’s a good job I’m on a coach on way to seaside today otherwise I would probably be rather sad by end of this due to fact I can’t eat half of it.

1. Shellfish
I love nearly all shellfish. Prawns, crab, cockles and mussels. (I haven’t tried lobster YET! But I bet it is yummy)
I love them in seafood cocktails or in a tray in vinegar/pickled (I know classy)

2. Calamari
I love squid specially with a lovely tomato based salsa or sauce. This is my serious idea of comfort food. I always feel happy eating it 🙂
When ever my hubby would take me to frankie and benny’s I would order their calamari cause it was my favorite.

3. Crunchy nut cornflakes
I love a good bowl of cereal on a morning or on a evening for supper. But crunchy nut cornflakes are just a must.
I alway giggly at there advert when it comes on because that is me. I would be the one holding the bowl as the dinosaurs got us saying “there just so nutty” 😀

4. Steak
I blame my love of rare/blue steaks on my parents due to the many trips to America as a child. Most people think I am weird because I only love it because of the blood. I think it’s lush and I like dipping I’m chips in the meat juices that is left on plate or mix in my mash potatoes.
Nothing beats a nice juicy piece of steak specially when it’s accompanied with a large glass of red wine 🙂

5. Salad
I love salad in summer we have it with nearly every evening meal. I don’t just do a simple salad I like to add olives, peri peri peppers, boiled eggs, raw broccoli, or even salt and pepper. It all depends on how I feel and what I fancy that day.

6. Salmon
I prefer it when it pan fried or baked the fillets because I love the skin to be all crispy but if I’m having a healthy meal then I will steam it.
If it’s the thin sliced smoked salmon I like to fry it and add it to my scrambled eggs with onions, mushrooms and pepper. It’s really yummy and was my favourite thing to egg while I was pregnant with E.

7. Soft boiled eggs with soldiers
I love dipping my bread in the runny yoke it reminds me of childhood and always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside 🙂

8. Roast dinners
You can’t beat a Sunday or any day roast dinner with all the trimmings. (although I am one of the very few Yorkshire people who doesn’t like Yorkshire puds)
Again it reminds me of childhood and of family dinners. Now I’m the mother I try my best to have family dinners with my kids because I want the to have similar memories to what I had growing up.

9. Chocolate fudge cake
I think this is a given to most people and doesn’t need and explanation.

10. Bread
Freshly baked bread. When it’s still soft and warm in middle. Hmmmmmm my idea of heaven

As you can see half of my list is a no go when your pregnant or breastfeeding and most of the other stuff is bad for you or fattening in large amounts (minus the salad).

What’s your list of your favourite foods?

I’ll be checking all your list tonight or tomorrow depending what time where back from seeing the sea 🙂
*waves from beach*

Nikki ❤

blog every day in August