Routine

My word for this week is routine.

I know to many this word will seem really late as school started over a month ago. But September and start of October in this house is always a super busy time and trying to put a serious routine in place. Is like trying to collect water in a shiv. It’s not going to happen no matter how hard I try.

So I have spent most of the last month running round like a headless chicken, forgetting nearly everything (including a friends son’s birthday, all plans I have made if they haven’t been put in my phone and my head most days).

Also during this chaotic time of my kids birthdays, back to school and me slowly going loopy. I cleverly decided I needed more on my plate and got my boys to join the scouts. T is in Cubs and P is in beavers.

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This is as well as P’s football training and both the boys swimming lessons. Then add E’s and Baby’s play groups, early development groups and doctors appointments. I am busy constantly.

IMG_3855.JPG(here is a screen shot of my calender, each dot is a day that normally has at least 2 appointments, play groups or after school activities)

I have been in desperate need of a routine that I can stick to and Baby needs a nap routine that woks around all these appointments and group. So I can start getting stuff done.

Luckily I have spent my time this week sorting out some of my routine and although I had a blip with it tonight I have done well.

This is all going to be thrown if to chaos again soon though because today we got the call to say E’s date to start nursery has been move forward and is starting in November instead of January 🙂 which is great because she is so ready for school 🙂

But I guess setting up a routine will be a lot easier when there is just one at home through day 🙂

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Emotional

This is the first post I have started/done in nearly 2 weeks!
I could tell you the reasons for this is because I have been busy with all the birthdays and life etc but honestly that would be a lie.

Because even though the last few weeks all I have been thinking about is that baby’s 1st birthday is coming up. (It’s actually on Saturday! Yikes!) that isn’t the reason I haven’t been blogging.

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See to most this is a happy, exciting time and don’t get me wrong I am thrilled my little girl is going to be 1.
But I find the closer her birthday comes the more I am thinking about the day she was born and how it was the most terrifying day of my life.
(You can read about it here)

For most people remembering the day their baby enter the world is a joyous occasion. Where they reminisce about those first moments when they are embracing them tightly, as they study all their features, about giving their baby it’s first feed or cuddle and stare into their face imprinting the image into their heart and memory forever.

For me most of those first moments aren’t filled with happiness but instead they were filled with fear, worry and terror.

this picture was taken just before the doctors came in to see me)

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Because while I cradled my new bundle I was gripped in fear for her future as the doctors explained to me that they believed she had Down syndrome.
In that moment everything changed.
I worried about how I would cope or look after a child with a disability. I had never done it before and I didn’t think I would be able to handle it.
The questions “Why me?”, “Why us?”, “Did I do wrong?” Whizzing round my head as I tried to take it all in.

I was still in shock from her fast arrival and then with the added shock of her diagnosis. I was completely lost! To me the future was bleak and I didn’t know where to start to process everything.

Once the doctors left the midwife give us time as a family to figure out our emotions before they explained what would happen next.

I was still cradling my precious little girl looking at her but instead of studying her face to my memory. I was looking for the characteristics that the doctor had seen. Telling myself they must of made a mistake but knowing as I stared into her face that they were right.

Time didn’t seem relevant as minute felt like hours that passed in seconds.
Because with all this happened within an hour of me giving birth.

When the midwife came back she encouraged me to try feeding and explained that it may take time or baby might be sleepy due to low muscle tone and weak suck.
Baby soon showed her though by latching on and having a good go at feeding.
But I couldn’t fully enjoy that first moment because my head was still I total mess as I had 2001 questions running through my head. Thinking about the future, my plans, my family and my kids. How was everyone going to handle the news.

A few minutes later I noticed baby was getting sleepy and was no longer suckling as much. I changed her position and that when I was thrown into one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

As I moved baby I notice she was stirring and her breathing started to shallow. I turned to my mum and asked her if something was wrong and we notice baby’s skin turning a grey colour and her lips were going blue. She couldn’t breath.

My hubby and mum went to get the help, as I held my little girl in my arms. Feeling completely helpless and not know what to do.

Luckily the staff responded quickly. The room filled professionals that whisked her out of my arms into a cot in corner of the room and put her on oxygen to bring her round.

I couldn’t watch what was going on I just held on to my husband and stared at the door in front of me. I thought she was going to die and I didn’t want that memory I didn’t want to see my child take her last breathes.

She responded to to oxygen but not enough and she was taken round to neonatal to be give support there.

My heartbroken as I watched them wheel my baby away. I as if I could go with her and broke down sobbing as they explain I couldn’t straight away.

I was lost, I was scared and was numb.

Once I was cleaned up and changed I was able to walk round and see her to say good night before I went to my room on ward.

they took this photo for me to take to my room

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I kissed her good night, as I silently prayed to myself that it wasn’t our last. I wanted her to fight, I wanted to be able to hold her and I didn’t want her to be apart from me.

My husband an mum got me settled in my room and left to go get some rest hoping I would do the same.
I tried to get myself settled but I just couldn’t relaxed.

Then the doctor came to visit me again and explained Baby was needing more oxygen support and she was put on a ventilator.

I rang my husband and explained everything to him. My voice breaking as I tried to fight back another round of tears.
After I hung up the phone I stared at the wall across from my bed trying to take in everything that had happened. Still asking myself “Why me?”
Why had this day that had started with so much excitement. That I had waited 42 long weeks (I went over due) for, turned into my worst nightmare.

I wasn’t meant to be sat scared, frightened and alone in a room. I was meant to be getting to know my child, kissing her little fingers as she grasped onto mine. Watching her yawn and wriggle as she realised she had more room to grow. I was meant to be holding her and protecting her. Not leaving her when she needed me most.

I felt like a failure!

Because of this I have been unable/avoiding my blog, because every time I think about the day Baby was born. The day my amazing, strong and beautiful little girl entered this world. I find myself holding back the tears as all those emotions I felt come flooding back and I’m helpless again.

Luckily I just need a smile from her or she shows me something new she has learned and they quickly disappear.

But the guilt I feel doesn’t go as quick. My guilt for being scared, for being terrified and for not being able to help. That lingers a little longer.

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For all the fear and worry I felt in the early days. I have been given an amazing little miss and I can’t believe she is going to be 1 in a few days.

Here is to many more to come 🙂

Nikki ❤

Birthdays

My word this week is Birthdays

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This week was the start of the birthday season in this house. With 4 birthday in 3 weeks. It’s a time that is full of fun, excitement, presents and lots of cake.

It’s also a time that really hits the bank hard and I have to budget/present buy all year round to make sure they have a great day.

The birthdays started this week with E and T sharing their birthday. They were born on the same day, 7 years and 51 minutes apart. Which is completely amazing and great but also really expensive because they are both into different things and throwing a joint party isn’t an option for a stubborn strong willed nearly 3 year old or an argumentative nearly preteen, who is hitting double figures.
So we had to have 2 parties. Which was fun but extremely stressful. I did think about T having his party the weekend before his birthday to make thing easier but I had to change my plans because his dad wanted to spend that day with him. The only day available after that was his birthday.

Once we had the parties booked the real fun began and this week has been a crazy week of planning an me making sure everything was ready and sorted. I had to send out invites, buy decorations and wrap all their presents.

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Unfortunately my hubby was working nights and slept most of the days running up to the parties. So he wasn’t much help but he made sure he had their birthday off and that all that counted to me.

On the morning they were over the moon and their little faces lite up with excitement

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It was a great moment that makes me proud to be a mum.

The older kids had to go to school and E got ready for her Docmcstuffins themed party at a local indoor play area.

IMG_3572.JPG It was loads of fun and we invited all her friend from play group and I invited some of my friends with kids the same age.

IMG_3626.JPG (I took more photos then this but I don’t like put picture of other peoples kids unless they having given me ok before)

The party went great and she was completely poohed afterwards. There was no time to rest though because we had to go get the older kids and out again to T’s bowling party.

When I was planning T’s party his preteen(ness) shine through because he stated the he didn’t want his family bowling with him, he just wanted his friends and we were relegated to the lane next to it. Is case we “embarrassed” him.

Luckily the party went off with out a hitch and there was no embarrassment in sight.

By the end of the party all the kids were worn out but hyped up on sugar. I was also totally exhausted. But it was nothing a good nights rest (ha) and a day cleaning my house.

The rest of the week has been spent cleaning, taking boys to there after school activities and finding places for all the new toys.

This weekend is we have 2 parties to go to and then it’s my stepdaughters birthday next week and Baby’s first birthday the week after that.

So that is why this week my word is birthdays.

What is yours?

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Praise

This week my word has been Praise.

The reason this is my word this week is because I have been making a serious effort in ignoring any naughty or answering back my kids have been doing and really trying to focus on praising their good behaviour.

This is tactic we employ a lot of the time but when we were nearing the end of the summer holidays. This practise got a little lost in the boredom and constant brickering that was going on between my unruly hooligan demon lovely children. So finding the good behaviour to focus on became difficult due to the daily arguments, back chat and fighting that was going on in my once happy house.

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But most of last week was filled with people helping me find the positives again. With a few people telling me how polite and kind, my mischievous little munchkins can be.

So this week I made a point to pick out every positive and praise my kids because they deserve it.

T has had a great week in school and has had hardly any melt downs recently. Today he even did the washing up after breakfast with no complaints 🙂 I will say it’s mainly because he is working towards me letting him ride his bike to school on his own :-s. He goes 10 next week and mum walking him to school is so “uncool” apparently.

P has been his usual nattering self but has been so sweet and kind. Telling me he loves me and how much of a great mum I am :). He has also been trying to help out with tidying round the house by moving dirty cups from room and cleaning up after him self. His little face beams with pride everytime I tell him what a great job he is doing.

E loves being told she is a good girl and is really starting to finish he toilet training. She has been dry at night for last 2 nights and makes sure she goes to loo before bed. She is so sweet to Baby an is always singing if she cries or playing with her nicely. When out at play group she normally shares without a problem and loves playing with other kids. She was always a shy on even when she was 4 months old she only ever wanted me. Now she is turning 3 I can see the change as she is really coming out of her shell. It’s beautiful to see.

Baby has been a star recently and is learning new things everyday. She babbles constantly saying ” mama mama”, “dada”, “mmmmmm”, “baba” and loads more. She is a real chatter box :). Her newest achievement is that she is finally sitting up :).

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This week I have had so much love and praise to give my kids. Whether it’s going great on homework, chores, kindness or learning something new. They have made me proud and happy to be their mum.

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Awesome

In the words of the Lego movie

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!

This is my word of the week which has been graciously chosen by my boys. (their not lego mad I swear *looks shifty*)

I have to kind of agree with them though because this week have been busy and I have been trying my best to make sure we have been out of house and as busy as humanly possible.

After my post last week about boredom. I made a serious effort to go out with kids starting with a teddy bears picnic at a park near by with the local SureStart group.
I wasn’t able to get pictures 😦
Saturday was a cold, cloudy day but we had to leave the house for the boys swimming lessons. (for some crazy reason I thought 8am swimming lessons were a good idea on a Saturday morning. I was wrong!)
After the lessons we had to go back through the town centre to get bus home and I remember they were holding an annual car show.
The kids loved looking at all cars, getting their faces painted and going on the climbing wall (which was all my favourite price FREE!)

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Sunday T went to see his day so the younger 3, hubby and I went on a day out to Royal Armouries and had a great day out as the pictures on my post will show.
Monday we went to see my 2 sisters and 4 nephews with my mum at a breeze event and then we chilled out had ice cream and played on the inflatables.

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Tuesday was the most fun thought because we went on a coach trip to Scarborough with the local SureStart. It was great (even though the weather wasn’t great at first) we played on beach, went on a pirate ship, went to the fun fair, on Ferris wheel and had donkey rides 🙂

IMG_1136.JPG it was pure family awesomeness 🙂 the kids loved it and I enjoyed spending the time with them. (the hubby had to work so it was just me and kids) They loved it too even if P wasn’t handling the coach journey very well.

Wednesday we didn’t do much because I had my dentist appointment to finally sort out my painful, broken tooth 🙂
I was so happy when it when I left the dentist even though she had just told me that I was being referred to hospital to give my wisdom teeth taken out (they are just causing too many problems) and the fact that my face was numbed up and felt huge, because I wasn’t in pain anymore and once they were out I wouldn’t be again.

Thursday the kids had their dentist appointment and I was proud because T had a baby tooth pulled out because his adult tooth was growing off yo the side of it but the baby tooth washing coming lose. He was so brave and was super excited about the tooth fairy. (which he swears he saw leaving his bedroom last night and has been telling his brothers and sisters all about her today)

So yes that’s my week leading to today. It’s been great and full of smiles, gun and awesomeness 🙂

What’s your week been like?
And what’s your word?

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Boredom

My word this week has been BOREDOM

We haven’t really done much this week with the kids and have to basically stayed at home due to the bad weather and because the kids didn’t want to go out.
On e days I had activities planned we would get washed out. Like when we were going to watch cloudy with a chance of meatballs on the big screen in the city centre or to the park or even shopping. The heavens would decide to open and our plans would have to change.

Add to that the fact that my hubby has been working nights most of the week. So he has slept (when the kids will allow it or be quite enough for him to sleep) most of the day. Him working nights has also meant me being alone and sleeping alone all night.

I did try and arrange a day out to a museum that is just a bus ride away but when I asked the kids what they wanted to do. They just wanted to stay in and play board games. I was happy to let them because it gave my bank balance a break after doing the school uniform shop on Saturday. Plus it means that when me hubby is off this weekend we can hopefully have some fun as a family.

All this alone time and being stuck in the house has led to the mid summer holiday lull. Where the kids are bored and they have the phrase “I’m bored” on repeat. The thing is I can completely understand why there bored because so am I.

I am hoping this weekend we can have some fun and adventures as a family. But if our plans fall through, get rained out or changed it’s ok because I have more trips planned in the coming weeks and at least now I know I have the uniform shop done.

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence
Binky Linky

Challenging

I am going to use this post to be part of both The Prompt and word of the week.

I didn’t plan to be able to combine both Linky’s into one post but this week has been challenging for me because but not for all negative reasons.

I’ll start with the negative first though because I like ending on a positive note.

This week started just like any other except all the kids have been bored, irritated and pushing each other’s buttons. It has been almost constant bickering that I have tried ever so hard to prevent and split up with activities. I have tried colouring, baking, board games and I even received the change for life 10 minute shake it up Disney cards. I let them all choose one card each to do and set up that game in the garden. They did make friends and play nicely (for like 5 minutes) before they were bickering again.
I have found it so difficult thought because my hubby has been working a horrid shift were I have had the kids most of the time and I’m tired.

At start of the week Baby started being very fussy and was covered in a rash from head to foot. Fearing it was chicken pox or something spreadable I refused to leave the house until we had seen a doctor because what of we came in contact with a pregnant woman. By Wednesday I finally got her an appointment to be seen (which wasn’t much help). The doctor had been having that trouble some morning so he was running late (by an hour) so I was sat in the waiting room with a tried and agitated Baby (never a good mix). All she did was scream, shout, pull my hair and claw at my face. To say the least I was very stressed my self by time I saw the doctor who couldn’t give me a proper diagnosis because he thought it was either a viral rash or an allergic reaction. She was give some antihistamine and sent on our way. By that point it had started to rain too and we had walked to the doctors. So it was safe to say I got very wet and once I got home it was my hubby’s turn to go to work.

Later on that night I decided to make a lovely roast pork dinner with crackling for me and kids (it was a big mistake). The food was lovely but I unfortunately broke a wisdom tooth when eating some of the crackling. The next morning phone my dentist and booked and appointment but it’s not for over a week because by that point my tooth didn’t hurt. By that night though the twinging pain had started, so rest of the week i have been in pain and trying the entertain the kids best I can but it’s not easy with it raining plus I’m not feeling like my usual self.

I am hoping today to be able to move past the pain (painkillers but I’m only allowed certain ones while breastfeeding and cold compresses) and go out to do something with kids.

There have been some positive challenges this week because I have been part of the #BEDAoutnumbered challenge. Where I have to blog every day to prompts that Emma made up and we link up on her blog. I am on Day 9 at moment so far and I have really enjoyed doing it. It has taken me out of my little blogging comfort zone.

Anyway that’s my week. The bad, the good and the painful.

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

The Prompt

mumturnedmom

Returning

My word of the week this week is

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As most people will know I haven’t been online or blogging over last few weeks. It was because we where on holiday. So my life was wrapped up with packing an getting everything sorted and last week we where away. (which was great and there is a post to come I promise)

Well on Monday we returned home and it was time for us to return back to normal life. Hubby returned back to work and I returned back to my usual life of hospital appointments and cleaning. We also got the return of my argumentative kids.
With it’s being the summer holidays the kids are bored and restless, they constantly want to do something or go somewhere but there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to get house work done and through the mountains of washing we brought home and go on day trips everyday.

We have had some fun days out this week and visited a few museums through.

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And I have even managed to meet up with a few friends.

I have also had a return to my blog and I seem to have a return of my blogging mojo. (which is in full swing tonight this is my 4th post)
So it’s great. And I’m hoping it will carry on as I have enter the blog every day in August challenge.

My word this week is returning 🙂 because life is finally returning back to normal 🙂

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Tricky!

I have been sitting trying to think about my word for this weeks word of the week and It has been rather tricky to come up with on.

See this week has been a bit of a mixed one. I have been feeling really low in myself and I don’t know why. My hubby has been great though and has been trying his very best to support me and help look after kids but I have still been left feeling very over whelmed and like I want to cry.

I am hoping it’s just because I am in need of a serious holiday. Luckily we have one booked at Haven very soon.
That’s why at start of week I dug out the suitcases and I have been on a mad hunt for all the kids nice clothes, swim suits and shoes. I have got all the new clothes that I have been hiding in my wardrobe are finally been removed. I will admit as the days decrease in the the count down I do get little flurries of excitement but they don’t last and I am left with the feeling like I still have so much to do and clothes to buy.

Money has also been a stress this week for me because I have gone over my budget repeatedly and I am left wondering how I’m going to make a great holiday. I have sacrificed my driving lessons again this month because I want to make sure we have enough to make this holiday and amazing one that my kids will remember forever.

Add to that the hospital appointments we have had this week. Baby had her first audiology appointment since birth to check her hearing today. She did really well and was able to hear and turn to all the high pitch sounds which is great. She has got a build up of fluid behind her ear drum in both ears (aka glue ear) which is common in people with Down’s syndrome. They are going to monitor her over next few appointments and then decide were to go from there. She may need earring aids, so she doesn’t need fall behind too much with her speech. Will know more in 8 weeks.

P has to give blood tomorrow because the doctor wants to test for anaemia because I and school have both noticed that he is eating loads and keeps eating things he shouldn’t. Such as plastic, rubbers, loom bands, paper clips and he even snuck a tech deck screw driver into school and was caught chewing it. I am a bit sceptical of the results because I honestly don’t think he has anaemia but I also really hope it is just that simple because it don’t know how many more medical things I can handle.

Baby hasn’t been well since last week with a barking cough over the weekend. On Sunday night was the worst though and I barely slept because she kept making a gasping noise but when I checked her she was fine. On Monday morning I rang the doctors at 8 am to get an appointment. It took over a 100 redials on my phone until nearly 9am to get through and when I told the receptionist the problem she told me the closest appointment was 3.30pm. I was annoyed but I accepted it. At least it meant I didn’t have to miss the boys sports day.

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They did so well T got 2 3rds places and P got 2 2nds places. #superproudmummy
Anyway after I took Baby to doctors it turned out she has a chest infection add that to her teething and I have had a super grumpy baby to deal with all week.

This week has had it’s good points though. The boys sports day was fun, I even took part in the parents 3legged race. (we came last)

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and Baby as finally started to attempt to sit by herself

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It’s also looking like next week is going to be very smiler to this week with the amount of hospital appointments, packing and cleaning that needs doing.

But this week has been mixed, stressful, tiring and tricky!

My word this week is TRICKY!

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

Proud

My word this week is Proud!

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This week has been a week of achievements. Not just for me but my family as well .
Here are their achievements of the week.
T has been keeping his temper under control (we have been having a tough time with it recently. So much so it has landed him 1 week ground) but since Sunday (when everything kicked off over Lego) he has managed to stay calm, not raising his voice and has been nicer to family members.
I think E is trying to win the sister of the year award with Baby. She has been lovely and so sweet with her. When ever we go out for a walk, on school run or anywhere, she stands one the buggie board singing into the pram and doing the makaton signs she knows along with the words. (old Mac Donald is a favourite at moment because she knows the animals) I have to join in with the singing (of course!)and we get loads of sweet smiles and people chatting as we walk along the streets listening to me murdering the song with my tone death-ness. It melts my heart seeing how close they are becoming already 🙂 (I wonder how long it lasts as they grow up)

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P has been doing well with his football after school and hubby is training to do tough mudder at start of august to raise money for cancer research and Down’s syndrome Bradford.

The 2 major achievements that have made me really proud are the fact the Baby is moving around more and more now. She can roll across the room, spin round on her belly and has even started pushing and pulling herself along the floor sometime with some crazy commando crawl.

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She is going to be off in no time and loves her tummy time.

For me my achievements started on Sunday when I found out a won #thethemegame blog linky at redpeffer with my blog post Why me? Why not?. I can’t describe how amazing it felt when I found out. I have been blogging for a while but it’s the first thing I have won. Then to add to that I was mentioned at The Breastfeeding Diaries at Zenas suitcase for my post Breastfeeding and why it was for me.

It was all out of the blue and I never thought I would win. I just enjoy linking up, getting comments on my blog and reading all the other blogs that link up too.
So this week has been a good week and I am safe in saying I am proud of my family for their achievements and I am proud of myself.

GO ME!

Nikki ❤

word of the week

The Reading Residence

#PoCoLo

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