My first Blogiversary

This is a post that has been playing on my mind for the last few weeks. You see as the weeks turned quickly to days. I was wondering what I would actually do to mark this occasion.

Would I do a review, a giveaway, write a deep meaningful post or just mumble along through a random post and see what I can up with. (If you can’t guess I have chosen the latter)

Then a really happy coincidence happened. I was given a spa day voucher by the Hubby at Christmas and I had booked the day for me and one of my best friends to enjoy. We had thrown around some dates and I had actually booked the 17th March for our day together, not realising it was our spa day. (A very happy surprise)

I must say we had a great day and the rest and relaxation of my spa day was excatly what I needed. We even went out for a kid free lunch at Nando’s. Which was extremely strange but also really nice. It was a proper lady’s that lunch sort of day and was prefect to celebrate my first Blogiversary.

I will say that that most of today has been spent with me thinking back about when and why I first started my blog.

It was the begin of Down syndrome awareness week (just like it is now) and it was also my first one as a DS mum and at the time and I still wasn’t in the best of places when it came to fully accepting my daughter’s DS. It was a hard time, so I wanted to learn more about my daughters condition and other parents experiences. This meant I was reading loads of different blogs, that DS parent from all around the world.

It was then that I decided that I would join the world of bloggers and I would put my little Baby’s story out there. I am really glad I did because it help me get all my feelings out and it help me come to terms with everything my  family and I were going through. It was great and by the time I had written a handful a post my feelings had already started changing. A year on I can happily say the DS isn’t an issue anymore. Compared to when I started this blog and DS was always in my mind, now I hardly ever think about it. I can go days, weeks and sometimes even months without DS being in my thoughts. When I look at my Baby I don’t just think DS anymore, I think of how much of a wriggle bum she is, how much she loves cuddles, how she cries if someone around her is sad or how she is as stubborn and determined as I am.

It is because of this determination that I know she will be fine and that baby won’t let anything stop her.

It is also why my blog has changed numerous times of this year as I find where I belong and what I want to share. I think I have finally found my little bit of the blogosphere. I have made it my own and it maybe be a bit random, a bit disorganised and full on my children. But that’s me!

I find it hard to believe that I have been blogging a year! It has been a great and what a year I might add. And that Something that started out as a random thought and as just a hobby, is now this massive part of my life. I don’t think I would know what to do without it.

So here is to a great year everyone and a massive thanks to all my followers on here, twitter and my blog Facebook page.

I hope you all enjoy reading and I can write another post similar to this on my 2nd Blogiversary.

Happy Blogiversary to me!

Nikki x

Super Busy Mum

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I first started my blog as a way to help me sort through my feeling and help put in to perspective what was going on in my life after Baby was born. I wanted to get our story out there, to maybe help other new mums and families that would probably be going through or feeling the same things I did after birth.

See when she was born my hubby and I got the biggest surprise ever. Our prefect little bundle has Down’s syndrome (DS). Nothing had been picked up on any of the scans. I had declined the blood tests to see what my risks where of having a child with DS, due to the fact I had one during a previous pregnancy 2 years before that said my risks were low because of my age and if I’m completely honest I never dreamed I would have a child with a disability.

As with all births, afterwards emotions are always at an all time high and for my family that was no different. Add to that try to take in all this new information about your baby and not being able to hold them. I was a wreck! Both psychically and mentally. I tried to hold it all together best I could but spent most of my time in tears or holding them back until I was alone. I did try to talk to family and friends but most of the time they would ask me if I had postnatal depression. It was like a slap in the face to me at the time. I knew I wasn’t depressed I just wanted my baby. The baby I had dreamed about throughout my pregnancy, the baby I wanted to hold in my arms and wanted to for fill all the hopes and dreams I had for her.
I now know I was grieving for the child I thought I was going to have and that it doesn’t mean I loved Baby any less and all I wanted was someone to pull out their crystals ball and tell me how her life panned out but they couldn’t. For me though the hardest part of all was leaving her in hospital for the first few weeks. Every day that I had to leave her at the hospital was torture for me but I told myself it was the best place for her. It was great when I finally got to bring her home. But the feelings and emotions were still there waiting to be worked through. So I started blogging.

As a teenager I had always written in a diary that I filled with my crazy, hormone fuelled ideas about life (it was mainly filled with thoughts of boys or why my parents were so uncool!)and throughout upper school (high school) when I was bullied. I would scribble, doodle and write down poems. Writing was always the way I had worked out my feelings. Putting it down and out of my head just made everything clearer.

When it came to my first few blog posts, I poured my heart into all of them. Then I became stumped and had nothing really to write about.

Or so I thought!

I found writing about what me an my kids get up to and joining up to Linkys helped. But I always find myself worrying is this what people want to read?

I now know I need to forget what everyone else wants to read. This is my blog this is my place to do and say what I feel and want. I just need to be me and true to myself, put all my thoughts and feeling in order the way I want.

I do hope that one day, reading my blog and what I went through in the beginning. Will help another mother, parent or family push through any problem or unexpected surprises or finding out their child has Downs syndrome too.
Help them know it’s ok to cry and that it doesn’t mean the end of the world (Like I first thought). It is actually something really great.

My little girl is amazing and I think how thankful I am everyday that she pulled through and fought. I treasure every amazing thing she does. Probably more then I ever did with my other children (because she has to work that bit harder and I honestly took what they could do for granted). Baby has showed me the error of my parenting and made me realise there is so much more. That is why I am thankful I was given the gift of a child with Down’s syndrome. She taught me how to love whole heartedly and more then I ever believed possible. I am also glad I started blogging/writing for helping me realise this and put it out into the world.

Nikki ❤

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