For the past couple of days I have been finding it hard to be my normal, bubbly, excited and happy self.
No matter what I try to do to perk myself up I just feel run down, unhappy and beaten by life.
It’s like this gloomy cloud that is just hanging over me and the little things that don’t bother me normally or I can usually brush off and forget about are actually starting to bother and get to me.
For example yesterday as I was watching Baby and her sister playing happily in the park together.
Baby was thrilled to finally be getting the chance to try something other then the swings. she was truly loving the freedom.
As I watched them play I started thinking about how often we are going to be able to go to park now the weather is nicer and about when I use to take E when she was Baby’s age and watch her run around and climb the climbing frame and go down the slide. Then I started to think about how long it’s going to be before Baby will be able to do that.
It was then my chest started to tighten and my heart ached because I finally noticed and realised that Baby wasn’t walking yet. All of her little friends at playgroup are toddling and she has just started to master standing and a bit of cruising.
At that moment I saw a family with a child younger then Baby and he was running in front of his parents into the park. I nearly broke down in tears right in the middle of the park because I finally starting to see her learning delays.
I always knew it takes children with DS that little bit longer to learn new thing and they don’t just pick things up and Baby has been so amazing at learning things quickly and has been hitting all her milestones that I just never really noticed a difference between her and other children her age.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that first realisation can as a shock. It knocked me for six and it has had me worrying and brought back a load of fears and emotions I thought I had already dealt with.
And it has left me feeling really deflated!